I think everyone is capable of success… in any area of their life that they’re passionate.
If you desire something, all the resources you need to make that desire happen are available to you… if you’re willing to look.
So, if everyone can have whatever they desire, then why the heck doesn’t everybody have what they want?
Fear.
We ALL have fears. Just because you don’t call anxiety, worry, procrastination, complacency or concern the word fear, doesn’t mean that it’s not fear.
People who have dominant personalities hate it when I say they have a fear of something.
“I’m not afraid of anything!” they tell me.
“You do have some sort of fear, otherwise this circumstance would not be happening to you.” I tell them. “You can label it what you want but the fear needs to be addressed.”
Most of us have an underlying default fear that gets in the way of big success.
One of my big default fears is… “Something will take away my joy.”
AKA The other shoe is going to drop.
I know things can go well, but when I want something really bad, I can come up with all the ways it could be sabotaged by outside forces.
Geez! Where does that fear come from? I have a hunch it was from a 4th grade romance gone bad… but it’s not really important for me to figure it out.
What is helpful is that I recognize that it is a fear that I’ve made up in my mind. Even if there have been things I wanted in the past and something actually did happen to take it away from me, that doesn’t have to be the outcome now.
Once you realize an old repeated fear pop up, see it for what it is.
It’s a fear, not reality.
Once you acknowledge that it’s a fear, you can focus on what you do want.
Never try to rationalize with the fear. Fear doesn’t listen. And don’t bother coming up with reasons why the fear won’t become a reality.
Those tactics can often activate the fear event more.
For instance, we used to have a small plane and my man loves to fly low.
When he’d fly low to the ground, I’d often get into instant fear about hitting telephone wires and other obstacles.
I’d start to look for obstacles everywhere around us. My chest would tighten.
The only thing that would soothe me was to focus on the belief…
I’m always safe. And it’s fun to fly low.
This focus worked like a charm when I turned them into decisions.
Of course, I could always request what I wanted and ask my partner to fly at a higher altitude, but the truth was that a part of me enjoyed the thrill once I let go of the fear.
There are fears that all we come by naturally based on our personality style.
Mine is the fear of looking stupid in front of others.
It’s interesting because I’m very eccentric and do goofy things in front of people all the time and I don’t mind. But I don’t want to be judged as a dork.
None of it makes sense but it’s there for me. When I notice it, I focus on acceptance of myself versus trying to justify why I don’t care what people think.
If you want to get to your core fear beliefs, just start asking yourself what you’re really feeling when you notice stress appearing.
Step out of the story about the event and ask yourself what’s truly bothering you.
Look for themes of fear, as you look back over stressful events in your life.
You can also look at the different personality styles below and their typical fears.
I’ve listed each styles traits, their default emotion when they’re stressed and their overriding fear. (I’ve been a certified DISC Personality Assessment coach for 20 years.)
My personality style is mostly Influencer but there is some Dominance mixed in.
See if you can relate to any style(s) below.
Dominance – Task oriented, fast paced, risk taker, intuitive, extrovert, on purpose, intense
Emotion: Anger
Fear: Being taken advantage of
Influencer – Relationship oriented, fast paced, risk taker, intuitive, extrovert, motivating, “up”
Emotion: Optimism
Fear: Social rejection
Steadiness– Relationship oriented, low risk, introvert, logical, slow pace, wants to make sure everyone is taken care of, keeps families & offices together, the glue
Emotion: Non-emotional
Fear: Loss of security
Compliance -Task oriented, low risk taker, introvert, logical, slow paced, methodical, detail oriented
Emotion: Fear
Fear: Criticism of work
Key points to using fear as a path to freedom:
- Identify the one or two fears that run the show beneath the surface
- Acknowledge the real fear when you feel negative emotion
- Remind yourself that any fear is not real, it’s perceived
- Decide what it is you do want to experience and give ALL of your attention to that
There is a big pay off for paying attention to your fears and using your focus to move in a different direction. Your fears don’t have to run the show anymore.