Fifteen years ago I was talking to my BFF, Eva Gregory, about a desire of mine where I felt I was trying to “control” the outcome instead of attracting it. I shared with Eva that people in my life were telling me to take a stand for this desire, but that taking a stand still felt like trying to control the outcome.
Then she said something that made it all come together for me: “Taking a stand is great. But what do you want to take a stand for?” I said I wanted to take a stand for trusting myself and the Universe, knowing that I make choices that feel good.
The way I’d been thinking about taking a stand previously was that I needed to take a stand for my boundaries by being fierce about it. No wonder it didn’t feel good!
How do you make big changes in your life when you feel stuck on “how” to make the change? Or maybe you know what you need to do but just can’t seem to do it?
Sometimes it feels like it would be awesome if someone else could do it for you or maybe someone could just put their boot firmly in your backside and push you to the other side of the issue.
I know I’ve had my whiny moments saying aloud, “Can’t you just handle this for me? I’m nervous and this feels hard.” Waaaaaaa!
My personal thought process I default into under big-time stress is…
“I can make this happen!” I strategize all possible obstacles and then worry about how I’ll handle them until I’m exhausted.
After the pain of the situation irritates me, I stop fighting myself, end up taking one simple action from a place of power (not force), and the desire is manifested in record short time.
How can you make the changes without all that discomfort beforehand?
You’ve always got several choices. No matter which you choose, you have to first look the situation straight in the eye and tell the truth. Lay out the facts in a nonemotional way.
I’m not talking about what may happen in the future. That’s called forecasting and guessing. Just consider the bottom line of what your current situation is.
You also have to tell the truth about what your fears are and take stock of the repeating thought patterns that keep you behaving the same way over and over.
It takes courage to admit that you have a habit of thought that keeps you feeling small and stuck.
After you choose to lay out the facts, it’s time for your second choice. Will you commit to making the change or not? If yes, time to move on to the third choice. If your answer is no, game over. Go back to being stuck and living the same way you’ve been living around that issue.
Next and finally, choose whether you will take an action, change your perspective or way of thinking about this issue, or do both simultaneously.
There’s no best way… whatever gets you there is perfect.
Many years ago I left a relationship that created enormous stress in my life. Before I left, I kept asking myself why I wouldn’t leave but couldn’t figure it out. I was finding it hard to change my thinking.
One day I left and never went back. I was scared out of my mind because I knew he was going to harass me. (He did.) But I had to take the action, and then afterward I changed my thinking. I needed to take the first action step to create the momentum to change my habit of thought about what I deserved in a life partner.
Now, some of you would find it easier to get some coaching (which I did) and work strictly with your habit of thought. Then you could get the courage to take the action needed to propel you forward.
My habit of thoughts were so strong that I was in a fog about which action to take. If you were to take some small actions that support a habit of thought that’s positive, you could move steadily out of any stuck place.
Let me make an important point here. You have two decisions to make to create lasting change. Acting without changing your thinking isn’t enough. In the same way, changing your habit of thoughts without taking an action won’t cut it either. If I refused to change my thinking about what I deserved in a relationship—solidifying that I wouldn’t tolerate anything but a peaceful environment—I would still be stuck.
I would only attract another situation that made me feel stuck, creating a chaotic environment all over again. That’s why when I only focused on changing my thoughts about relationships but failed to take the action of leaving my stressful environment, I was still unhappy. You have to both change your thinking and take action. But you can do one first and follow up with the other.
Now for another perspective on the term “I’m stuck.” It feels so true in that moment. You feel like you have no choice. You either feel stuck with a certain set of circumstances or you can’t quite find the courage to do something about it.
That is a BIG FAT LIE YOU TELL YOURSELF. That way of thinking is a habit of thought in itself. You always have choices. It may take 10 other people to convince you or maybe a deep conversation with your highest self or the Universe/God to show you your options.
Life is too short to feel stuck or be in a situation of any kind that doesn’t feel joyful. It’s simply unnecessary.
One of the greatest motivators is to focus on how life will be after you make the change. I focused on a life of peace, fun, and freedom when I took my action.
I knew those things were worth any discomfort I might experience while taking a stand for change. Take a stand for the kind of life you want to have in every area of your life.
Money won’t mean anything to you if you are miserable in what you do for a living or if you come home to an environment that brings your joy to a screaming halt.
Remember, there are no trade-offs. You don’t have to suffer with any of your choices. Just make new ones and know that you always have infinite other choices.
What do you want to take a stand for?