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Some years ago, I was out with some friends, and somebody did something that I potentially could have been upset over.

In the past, if this same incident would’ve happened, I might have had an intense emotional reaction. But I noticed that I thought I should have a reaction now.

I questioned my nonreaction…

Should I be mad?

Maybe I should have a chat with my friend telling them how “uncool” their action was.

But the truth was, I wasn’t upset. The questions to myself were from an old way of thinking. Patterns of thinking that I’d given up a long time ago.

So, why were those lingering old patterns popping up still?

Were they a test from the Universe?

No. They were simply resurfacing “shoulds” I’d acquired out of fear, and I was feeling a bit of insecurity.

I’ve witnessed many clients having the same reactions about debt or how much money their business is pulling in.

They’ve worked consistently to feel, think, and act prosperous. They’re attracting more wealth into their life, and then they start feeling bad about debt that’s still not paid off.

They fear whether they can really ever get ahead or that once paid, the debt will come back. Then they beat themselves up for having gotten off the worry train.

The irony is that once you get off the “I should be worrying” pattern of thought, you are then free to attract the very thing you want!

“Should I be worried about that debt?” they ask. I’ll ask them if they have created a plan of action to pay off the debt.

If they haven’t, then we’ll create a plan that feels good to them. Sometimes creating the plan is enough to put them at ease about their debt.

But the key, whether a plan has been in place or not, is to look at what “shoulds” or “rules” you have running around in your brain about debt. These self-created, worrisome thoughts are the problem, not the actual debt.

I am certainly not promoting debt. Debt is not my favorite thing either! But to worry about something out of habit, when you were really okay with it, isn’t a productive thing to do.

Feeling that you should be concerned with something comes straight from one of your parent’s, friend’s, or mentor’s mouths.

I hear people tell me all the time that I’m too compassionate and forgive people too easily. I have even caught myself thinking that I “should” hold a fiercer stance with people or give ’em hell when they do me wrong.

But those aren’t my natural thoughts! Those are thoughts I picked up from other people that make me doubt my way of living.

There is nothing to really be concerned about in life except for living in a way that makes you feel joyful.

Worrying is the same as being concerned. These feelings come from fear. If you feel either of these emotions, ask yourself if there is truly a problem that needs solving or if it is simply a figment of your imagination.

Don’t ignore the voices in your head… separate the self-made lies from your powerful truth.

I know it feels hard to give up the habit of worrying and feeling stress about your lack of money, success, or love.

What if you could never, even if you tried really hard, worry again?

What would it be like to not worry yourself into a frazzled state of mind?

Next time you’re caught in an old pattern, remind yourself that you have a choice. You can continue to worry and fret, or you can settle down into a peaceful state of mind.

Which way of thinking will give you what you want faster?

What do you think about living worry-free?

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Nnamdi Kojo
I usually tries not to worry. Accept reality and look at the best outcome. What IS, is already IS. But isn't there for questions and concerns when limitations, delays, blockade's etc can amplify negative results?
Kristine Goad
I love this! “What if you could never, even if you tried really hard, worry again?” Asking the right what if questions can be so powerful, and I am definitely adopting this one. Thank you!
Jeanna, thanks for this great article! I used to worry a lot until I realized it only brings me more things and situations to worry about, and more and more unpleasant feelings that I didn't want to have in my life. I cannot say I'd never worry again now but I hate the feeling of worrying so much that I definitely worry much much less than I used to. And guess what? More money coming in, more opportunities coming in, more great people coming my way, more fun every day, more energy and good feelings... I agree that worry-free life is not only possible but definitely the only life all of us want (and CAN) live! :-)
Great post Jeanna! I was having similar thoughts, the should-ing kind, just this week! My brother asked me to collect my dad's remains so we could scatter them. Hmmm, how should I feel? Was I sad, emotional, should I be? Is there an acceptable social reaction to this? Then we went to do the deed ... how should I behave? What's the appropriate expression? I realized that I didn't have the raw emotion any more - it's two years on from his death. Two things I have inherited from my dad are his beard and his sense of humor! So I decided to keep it light and bright and joyful. My brother and I had some lovely time on our own to talk, and laugh and contemplate as we drove to several of my dad's favorite places to leave him there. Should-ing be gone!