Do you ever hear yourself talking to someone and notice that you’ve been completely focused on what is wrong and why it sucks?
Then, you notice that you don’t feel very good about it and want to change the topic to something else entirely.
Yep. It’s normal. We all do it. Complaining isn’t a bad thing. It’s just that when you do it for long enough, you actually begin to create patterns.
Let’s take the topic of time, as an example. If you continually complain about not having time to do your work, take care of the house, visit the people important to you, or get around to handling all the little stuff, you’ll notice that you have less and less time. (That was me last month.)
You’ve now changed your relationship with time as a result of putting your focus on the lack of it. You’ve created an emotional vibration for lack of time, therefore attracting more things that eat up your time.
When you complain, you’re saying that you’re not at cause. You’re telling yourself that you have no power or control over the circumstance.
You’re a victim to something you don’t like. You’ve got what I call “NO” energy. “No, I don’t want that. No, stop it. No more of this. No, I won’t get what I want.”
Complaining out loud isn’t half as bad as the complaining you do in your head. The internal complaining (some might call it whining) is done on a more consistent basis with less awareness of it.
The complaining begins to be a normal conversation in your head that you begin to buy into as the truth. And it is your truth and reality when you believe it… and you create it over and over.
When you become aware that you’re continually irritated by something, it’s a signal from your inner guidance to do something about it.
I had a client who was always in angst about not seeing his children enough after he separated from their mother. He would get emotionally worked up every time he thought about them. It ignited a feeling of lack of connection and influence with them.
My advice was to make a choice. Either do something about connecting with them more or stop complaining. Complaining is a way of being complacent or sitting on the fence. It also brings you down emotionally, and then you’re less attractive to that which you’ve been seeking.
The tough part is that you may not even realize that you’re internally complaining.
If you say any of the following to yourself several times a week, you’re complaining.
I wish I had more money.
I wish I had more clients.
None of my clothes fit me right.
My mate keeps doing _____________ and it’s driving me nuts.
This house is a mess.
Argh! All these emails.
So-and-so is always late.
If only __________ would do their job.
Why am I not getting results?
I have no time.
Make a choice to have what you want.
You can vent and stomp your feet, but then surrender to your reality and make peace with it.
You’ve got to do something different.
If you want to do something different, you may have to bite the bullet and have a hard conversation, hire someone to help you, or create new practices.
But for goodness sake, stop complaining. There’s no benefit to it.