Ever feel like you’re always tackling the same issue?
You think you have it resolved, but then it comes back with a sneak attack.
Many of my clients will ask me, “Do you ever get tired of me talking about the same topic?” No way. I know that the big concerns sometimes take time for people to move through.
You peel back the layers of the emotions and thought patterns one chunk at a time. Every client will eventually get to the heart of the matter. Practicing new thoughts and actions takes time… that’s why it’s called a practice.
There’s no shame in not instantly upgrading your life or biz… it takes practice for everyone.
I recently had a dear friend ask me to send him good intentions. He left me no clue to the topic. So, I imagined him resolving whatever was “up” for him. When I spoke to him later, I asked what was going on. He said, “Oh, same ole same ole. I didn’t want to tell you because it’s the same issue I always talk to you about.”
I first made it clear that I had no judgment about him constantly having conflict with his mate. I know that I’ve had my fair share of resistance in the same ole area of my life. (Ask any of my friends and coaches who’ve given me endless advice.)
So, here came the pivotal point of the conversation with my sweet friend. I said that I understood that his mate was doing that thing that she does to shut down the communication in the relationship. Since I can’t coach and support someone who’s not talking to me, my focus was him.
I asked, “Are you doing that thing that YOU do, when she shuts down?” The answer was yes. He gets hurt and frustrated. Then he shuts down. He ignores her and waits until she comes back into the relationship. In a nutshell, they’re in a vicious cycle. They’re worn down from doing the same thing over and over.
Somebody needs to step off the merry-go-round. Who should it be?
Doesn’t matter. Anybody doing something different, with the intention of having a better relationship, could potentially make a huge lasting impact… in a very positive way. Their wounded egos want to point to all the past hurt. “See, she/he is doing it again!”
Oh, yeah? Aren’t you doing it again too? You know, that thing that you do that assists in perpetuating the problem. Do you even know what the real problem is? Can you identify it? It’s a whole lot easier to create a solution if you know what the real issue is.
I once read an article by Blair Singer where he asked, “What would love do?”
What a powerful question! Another way of framing it is: If I were coming from a loving place, what would I say or do? If I weren’t so concerned with being hurt or being righteous, would I be reacting different? Is the way I’m being right now getting me closer or farther away from my intended outcome?
If you want a personal or business relationship to shift, you need to be part of the solution. YOU need to be the pattern interrupt because if you experience anything over and over, you’re in a pattern of expecting and reacting. You’re the one creating it.
If you’re in conflict with a person, what if you are always the first one to give in?! Giving in really means letting go of your ego. It’s a very powerful and grounded perspective. It’s great to give yourself the space to get ticked off in relationships, but staying there is not conducive to a healthy and prosperous life.
Doing something different in reaction to an old “problem” will always get you closer to a lasting and desirable solution. You may have to try a dozen new tactics. A few hundred pattern interrupts.
But each time you do, you’ll be led to the next inspired action. Clarity can’t help but find you. Be a part of the solution, even when you really believe that you’re not a part of the problem.
You can always be the start of the solution.
Where do you need to be the pattern interrupt?