Charisma is highly overrated and definitely not needed to have an engaging conversation. I love engaging conversations because they make you feel and think in new ways. I don’t always like to be in a conversation, but when I am, I want it to be good.
Good conversation shouldn’t be an intention saved for a dinner party or a hot date. Always decide to have juicy dialogue in business meetings, with clients, with potential clients, at networking events, and at seminars and team meetings. You’ll have a good time and attract opportunities, ideal connections, and profits.
Before I go any further, I also want to point out that you don’t have to be an extrovert to create dynamic conversations. Engaging conversations shouldn’t be difficult; they naturally unfold.
There are only a few things you need to remember to create a juicy dialogue.
Step 1: Spit out what you’re pondering.
Our minds are always questioning the nature of reality. We’re wondering why things are the way they are or why people do what they do. Usually we keep those thoughts in our heads, but when you say them out loud, the conversation takes new twists and turns. Sometimes, the weirder the better.
Step 2: Be curious about what makes…
… the person in front of you tick.
Why do they work in the industry they do? What cool things are happening in their life? What’s on their bucket list? Where are they going on their next vacation? The answers to these questions give you insight into the person you’re engaging with and invite more questions.
Step 3: Challenge a statement or belief.
Challenging another person in a friendly and open way opens up mind-exploding conversations. The key is not to create a debate or be aggressive. You’re simply being curious about what else is possible. (I’ll explain more in a story below.)
Step 4: Always be authentically you, and say what you mean.
If you don’t like where the conversation is going, say so, and redirect where you want it to go. If you have a totally opposite perspective on what was just expressed by another person, lay it out on the table. Being fully self-expressed is engaging in and of itself.
Step 5: Don’t play it safe.
Be willing to say something that feels a little daring. Appropriate conversation is not always engaging. There are no limits to what is possible, so go for it. Never hold back unless you’re coming from a place of emotional disconnection.
Years ago, I went out to dinner with my BFF, Eva Gregory, and our mates. We are all very comfortable with each other’s conversation and silence. We got on the topic of our food server. Some of us thought he was doing a very poor job and shouldn’t be tipped well. One person didn’t care either way, and another thought you should always tip well no matter the service you received.
This opened up a very intriguing conversation on the topic of tipping and Law of Attraction. Since three out of the four of us teach the Law of Attraction, it was interesting to see that we had different opinions. None of us were wrong since attraction always comes down to how you feel. If you do what feels best to you, you’ll always be in the flow.
But the engaging conversation came from us all participating in an authentic and challenging way. It did get heated, but it also created some new thoughts. We all admitted to having great conversation that night and clinked our wine glasses together.
Cheers to banishing “polite” conversation. It’s boring and unengaging.
Do you push the envelope, or do you mostly do polite chatting?