A few years back, my relationship was not looking much healthier than the insane one that came before it.
He had some issues that were clearly not designed to empower a committed relationship. He needed to do something about those issues or I was going to jump ship. Well, he wouldn’t.
So I did something about it.
I was the one who was miserable. I was the one who was sticking around in my third major relationship in a row where my needs weren’t being met.
I was the one who was clearly suffering. It was my problem, and I needed to do something about it.
Yes, I could leave the relationship, but my inner coach told me I would just create another dysfunctional relationship with the next guy.
(It’s kinda like client-attraction strategies. When you don’t make a lot of money, it’s easy to blame the strategy, your lack of email list, or whatever… but it’s really the mindset behind all of it.)
Oh! Taking responsibility for my mess was painful. I kept pointing my index finger at him, the guy before him, and the one before that!
Everyone told me I had a broken man-picker. Nope. It was me attracting suffering.
I obviously had some belief that in love there is a trade-off. I would always have to tolerate intensely stressful situations—the stuff that high suspense thrillers were made of. Somebody help me off this ride!
It took me a little less than a year to completely turn my situation around. I made my entire focus about finding my worth, taking actions that empowered me, and trusting myself.
My plan was counterintuitive. I did not ask him to change his less than ideal behaviors.
I literally made this an inside job and kept affirming that I would have a relationship that served me well.
Was the journey easy? Um, that would be a big NO! I had a coach that I talked to more often than most clients. I called Eva Gregory, my BFF, at all times of the day and night.
My parents saw many tears. I was doing major shifting of my thoughts, and it took some hard-core practice. I now am treated like a queen and sincerely adored in my current relationship.
Is it perfect? Nah, but it’s really, really good. I still practice focusing on the path of most allowance and knowing I will always like my end result, so I don’t sweat the small niggles.
What about you? Have you been blaming anything for your discomfort with your relationship, financial situation, or health?
There are a lot of things you can blame:
Your parents. Your mate. Your kids. Your in-laws. The economy. Your last employer. Your clients. Your employees or team. The real estate market. Your illness. Your doctor. Your age. Your weight.
You can blame yourself for not having enough wisdom or support from others, being sick, being overweight, not having enough confidence or money to fix the issue.
But honestly, these are just perspectives to keep you creating more of the same ol’ same ol’. There has to be a moment when you say, “Enough of this poor me crap!
I deserve better than this, and I will have better than this!” It will take this decision to put the change in motion.
Next, you will take one step after another in the direction of empowerment. This is not a race. Like really good wine, it’ll be worth the wait.
Don’t rush the process. Be consistent with the process. Begin a routine that supports you both in the morning and evenings. Make sure there is YOU time involved.
Take time out to move your body, enjoy friends and family, watch movies, read, do your hobbies, and connect with nature.
This piece is critical. I’ve heard every excuse there is from my clients about how hard it is to have balance. But I always say the same thing: You want this to be different? Then you have to be different. Stop the addiction of rushing around and putting everyone else first.
You have to take your life into your own hands. Don’t wait for someone else to fix it or an opportunity to appear.
Create the opening for the change to happen. Make a decision.
You know that old saying: If it’s to be, it’s up to me! You are so ready to have things be really, really good in all areas of your life.
Now, step up to the plate. Do something about it!