If you’re feeling like some area of your life isn’t moving forward fast enough, try this one-minute process to kick-start your breakthrough.
Bring to mind the situation that feels stagnant or stressful. Identify what specifically isn’t working. Make sure to look at all aspects. What part are you responsible for generating? What piece are other people creating? What outside forces are messing with your mojo and flow?
Once you’ve pinpointed the sticking points, now pinpoint the ideal outcome you want. Pretend you have a magic wand and can experience any end result you desire.
For instance, my friend Sammy isn’t getting along with his wife. They seem to argue over the same topics every week. He finds himself not wanting to go home. He doesn’t know how to correct the problem and feels like he just has to suck it up and live in this misery. He has to make the best of it.
I took him through the two steps above, and he discovered that his wife is not truly the cause of his misery. He actually didn’t like the way he responded to his wife’s complaints about money and her coworkers.
Ideally, Sammy wants to create intimacy with his wife, and he would love for her to find a new job or career that’s fulfilling. He’d also love to support her in a way that feels easy and that she appreciates.
Now he has an empowering starting point and is more excited about the possibility of getting what he wants. No more settling for an unhappy relationship!
See how, in this example, once Sammy got clarity about what wasn’t working, he could more easily articulate how he wanted it to be.
This makes it easier to know how to move forward. I also recommend deciding how you want to feel moving forward.
Next, ask yourself if there’s an action (no matter how small) you need to take to create instant relief.
In Sammy’s case, he decided to stop coaching his wife about looking for a new job. She was resistant to his “expert advice,” and he felt frustrated every time he tried.
He also chose to focus on creating intimacy in their relationship… even when his wife is in one of her “moods.”
While Sammy’s decisions felt good in the moment, they’ll be of no use if he doesn’t take action. He must practice this new way of being, even if he fails or doesn’t get results the first few times he tries.
One of the decisions Sammy made was to trust his wife’s own ability to find her perfect path to a fulfilling career. This decision will help soothe him when things don’t immediately feel like paradise.
It’s natural to experience some resistance before taking action, especially if you’ve tried to create a solution in this area of your life previously and felt like you failed.
Maybe in your heart you know you have to make some hard decisions. Change can feel scary because you’re letting something go or stepping into the unknown. Give yourself some time to settle into your decision.
I remember asking my mother to postpone a housewarming party that she and my brother were giving me. The invitations had been sent and almost everyone had RSVP’d that they were attending. My uncle had even bought a non-refundable plane ticket to attend.
The decision was a hard one for me to make. I’d toyed with it for weeks. My house was in the middle of a major remodel, and the stress of trying to get it done before the party was weighing heavily on my mind.
Once I asked my mother to postpone the party, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
What decision will you make?
What action will support it?
When will you do it?
Keep your eye on the desired outcome, and this process will be fast and you’ll feel immediate relief.