Most people will agree that keeping your word is a good thing. I know that when someone tells me they’re going to do something that will positively impact me, I get excited and count on them. I want them to follow through.
Yet, the flip side of this value can take you into a tailspin. I’ve spent many a coaching session with my most successful clients getting them to drop the rigidity of this seemingly positive quality called integrity.
Have I thoroughly confused you?
You see, every personal value has a dark side when you go out of balance with it. I used to be over-the-top about integrity and it irritated my friends. They teasingly called me “The Integrity Police.” I finally got it. I was so rigid about everyone telling the truth, keeping his or her word, being responsible, and doing the right thing that I caused myself a lot of unnecessary pain.
Here’s what I see as the way you can keep your word and have it be a super duper positive experience for everyone involved.
Only commit to things that you truly want to do and have time to do.
If you find that your commitment no longer feels good or there’s not enough time to complete it without stressing yourself out, tell the truth immediately to whomever you made the commitment.
Keeping your word should feel compelling, not like a heavy responsibility. And it’s okay to change your mind. The most important person to keep integrity with is yourself.
A dear friend of mine, Rich Fettke, long ago taught me the power of keeping your word. If I casually asked him for a favor or phone number at a party, within twenty-four hours he’d do whatever he promised. This blew me away because most people say, “Yes, we should get together” or “I promise I’ll send you photos of this event” or “I’ll give you that book next time I see you.” And you don’t hear from them until the next party.
But here’s an interesting point about keeping your word… it’s even more powerful when you mean what you say to yourself. Rich did this when he wrote his first book, Extreme Success. He told himself that he would write a successful book and get a nice advance from a publisher. He did exactly that. What happened to him was not common at all for a first-time published author.
Keeping your word is about making decisions that you can 100% get behind. You do it because it jazzes you. It feels good. When I say I work 9am to 4pm, I mean it. I never take appointments outside of those hours because I am so clear that this is the way my life will be.
Use your word to support and uplift you and for no other reason. If you need to make a new decision after you make a promise to yourself or someone else, do so powerfully. Give yourself full permission to make decisions based on your highest good in each moment.
Many years ago, Rich wrote a rap song for my brother’s birthday and I heard it. I knew I wanted one for my next birthday and made my request. On the eve of my birthday, I received an email with a link to a recording of my special birthday rap. I had TOTALLY forgotten about it. Rich didn’t. He is a man of his word and it’s highly attractive.
It works the same way in business. Deliver the goods as you promise, and if there’s a glitch, powerfully communicate what the person can expect next. Easy. Simple. Highly attractive.
Here are the words Rich wrote for my birthday rap:
Yeah, Bo Beena
Sit back and lets me tell you
A cool li’l story
’Bout a woman with passion that’s earned her glory
Talkin’ action, attraction, and prosperity
She’s keeping it real—peace, hope, clarity
Oooooh ooooh
Don’t hold back, let it scream
Oooooh ooooh
Turn it up, live the dream
Who’s this goddess I’m talkin’ ’bout?
Let’s just say she’s got the clout
A masterpeace she has created
A vision of the intention that she stated
Yeah she uses all that woo-woo
But keep in check your point of view, you
Living good and living happy, ain’t that how it’s ’posed to be?
Bitchin’ and whining just don’t work, that’s what she hopes you’ll see
Oooooh ooooh
Don’t hold back, let it scream
Oooooh ooooh
Turn it up, live the dream
Yeah I’m taking about you, Jeanna G
Yaw shoulda known you’d be hearing from me
I ain’t one to break my word
Time to speak my mind, time to be heard
What I wanna say is all about you
It’s how you live your life, let’s review
A loving mom and caring spouse
Bringing laughter and love into your house
And it don’t matter—air, water, snow
You’re ready to rip and ready to go
Oooooh ooooh
Don’t hold back, let it scream
Oooooh ooooh
Turn it up, live the dream
Thanks to the Universe creating you
What I’m saying, Jeanna G… is we love you.
Happy B-day. Goddess.
Out.