Have you ever stayed in a job, relationship or living situation for too long? I mean, you knew it was not your ideal situation and you stayed because you thought you could either make it work or you were too lazy or scared to move on.
Is that a bad thing? Not really.
But you may experience unnecessary pain, suffering and frustration when you tolerate staying in a situation past the point of mild discomfort.
Why would you put up with anything you didn’t like for more than a few weeks or even a few days? At some level you don’t feel worthy of completely getting your needs met. Some part of you believes the path of having what you really want must be paved with difficulties.
I’ve seen many people stay at an undesirable job for months and sometimes years because they felt they would let their boss or co-workers down. The same thing happens with leaving a relationship that is miserable. You feel that by staying you’re giving something to others.
What a crock! How can you be of true service to anyone if you’re not fulfilled or joyful? It is very difficult to empower others, be creative and powerfully lead a team if you’re disconnected from joy.
Guilt is one of the lowest-serving emotions available to you. Do whatever you can to move out of guilt and into solution.
I’m a huge fan of being selfish. If you’re taking care of your needs in a grounded way, you can serve yourself and others more powerfully.
Each person on this planet is ultimately responsible for taking care of his or her own joy.
A client asked, “How do you know if it’s time to leave a situation or if you simply need to focus more positively to make it work?”
It’s a perplexing question to ponder when you are emotionally charged. But the answer is actually simple. You can’t talk yourself into being okay or even liking something if it doesn’t align with what you really want.
In that situation, positive thinking will just get you angrier that it’s not working. Sometimes positive thinking can be a cover-up for denial.
I remember having a staff member stay on for about one year too long. I kept thinking, “He’s a good guy. We just had a good meeting and he said he would change. He used to perform well.”
But the bottom line was I knew I was losing business because of him. I feared that replacing him would be a hard transition.
I suffered painfully in that year and it served none of us to not make the change. We both got to stay in a painful situation.
You can use the following inquiries when you’re deciding whether or not to make a major change.
- What drew me to this person or thing? Are the qualities still true?
- Does what I am receiving outweigh the irritations?
- Am I staying out of fear?
- What about this is serving me? What isn’t?
- If I could have it my way, what would it look like?
- Am I playing to win or playing not to lose?
- What lies do I tell myself about this?
- If I were to step fully into my power, what would I do?
- What do I have to gain by choosing something else?
- Is there an action I can take to change this for the better?
- How much longer am I willing to let myself be unhappy?
- What does my inner guidance have to say about this?
Change is not always fun. But the mostly painful part about change is when we’re contemplating making the move. Sitting on the fence will give your bottom blisters!
Once you leap, the only way to go is up… to a higher level of joy, abundance and fulfillment.
If you’re feeling a bit wimpy about making the change, ask a supportive friend to check in with you about moving forward. And to remind you that you get to have it your way.
Life is always more fun once you let go of the dead weight of indecision.
Have you ever stayed in a situation for too long? How did it feel when you realized it and moved on? Tell me about it. (Below)
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