I’ve caught myself doing something lately that I thought I’d gotten pretty darn good at avoiding.
I’ve been focusing more on preventing what I don’t want than creating what I DO want.
And holy moly, what a difference that makes in how I feel.
There have been several situations with different family members lately where I’ve felt a high level of uncertainty. And when I feel uncertain, my brain can start working overtime trying to figure out everything that could possibly go wrong.
What if this happens? What if that person does something I don’t agree with? What if things don’t work out the way I want?
Before I know it, I’m mentally preparing for outcomes I don’t even want to experience.
I’m trying to protect myself and the people I love against a future that hasn’t happened.
And the more I do it, the less powerful I feel.
The tricky part is that I think I’m being responsible. I’m thinking ahead and preparing. I’m being realistic.
But there’s a HUGE difference between taking care of something that needs your attention and spending your energy trying to prevent a bunch of things you’re afraid might happen.
One feels empowering. The other feels like crap.
When my son was in the hospital after his traumatic brain injury, I was living through one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
And yet, in many ways, I was more deliberate about my mindset and energy than I’d ever been.
I knew that if I spent my days imagining everything that could go wrong, I was going to lose my mind.
So I made a decision.
I was going to focus on my son being well. Coming home. Living a full, normal life.
That was the outcome I was devoted to.
I was focused on miracles. I expected them. I looked for them everywhere.
Did fear creep in? Of course it did! Half my son’s skull was temporarily removed until the swelling could go down.
But I wasn’t willing to let fear run the entire experience.
I took ridiculously good care of myself. I stretched every day, walked, worked out and made sure I had support. I allowed people to be generous with me. I received their love, help and kindness instead of trying to handle everything myself.
I also simplified my workdays dramatically. I knew I wanted to be at the hospital by 2 p.m., and with the travel involved, that meant I had to be incredibly focused during the hours I worked.
I didn’t have the luxury of wasting energy on a bunch of stuff that didn’t matter.
In the middle of one of the hardest experiences of my life, I was also experiencing an incredible amount of love, generosity, synchronicity and what I can only describe as miracles.
I could fill a hundred pages in tiny print with the miracles that happened during that time.
I was actively looking for evidence that miracles were happening instead of imagining the worst.
My son is doing really well. He’s a walking miracle. And he’s also a teenager who loves adrenaline sports, adventure and pushing boundaries.
He’s impulsive, doesn’t have much of a filter, and sometimes the words come out of his mouth before he’s had a chance to consider whether they’re a good idea.
I love his spirit. I love that he wants to experience life so fully.
But after everything he’s been through, you can probably imagine how easy it is for me to slip into wanting to protect him from EVERYTHING.
Another injury or a bad decision or trouble he didn’t see coming.
I’d love to wrap him in bubble wrap every time he leaves the house without me.
Of course, I want to make thoughtful decisions about his safety. That’s part of being his mom.
But I don’t want to spend my days anticipating every possible danger. I don’t want every request he makes to trigger a mental inventory of what could go wrong.
And I certainly don’t want to be so worried about his future that I miss the joy of having him healthy and home with us right now.
That’s what really hit me this past week.
I’ve been so busy trying to prevent another bad thing from happening that I’ve lost touch with the miracles happening right in front of me.
The very things I prayed for and envisioned when he was in the hospital are part of my everyday life.
And instead of enjoying them as fully as I could, I’ve been bracing for what might happen next.
Yuck.
Where Is Your Energy Going?
When you’re focused on protecting yourself against an unwanted outcome, there’s always another potential problem to anticipate. Another scenario to mentally rehearse. Another person’s reaction to manage.
It’s exhausting. And it’s a very low-vibration place to live.
The more I focus on what I fear, the more disconnected I feel from my own power, my intuition and the possibilities that are available to me.
But when I shift my attention toward what I want, I remember that I have choices. I can listen to my own guidance, make thoughtful decisions and take meaningful steps without needing to control every detail of how things unfold.
I can expect to be supported. I can expect things to work out. I can look for miracles again.
And I don’t have to wait for my circumstances to change before I start feeling better.
This applies to business just as much as it does to personal life.
Are you creating messaging because you’re excited about the clients you want to attract? Or are you obsessing over what might turn people away?
Are you making decisions based on the business you want to build? Or are you constantly trying to protect yourself against a slow month, a disappointed client or a strategy that might not work?
Are you imagining the possibilities you’re excited about? Or are you mentally rehearsing everything you hope to avoid?
I’m not suggesting we ignore problems, pretend difficult things aren’t happening or skip practical steps to protect ourselves when they’re needed.
I’m talking about where we choose to put the majority of our mental and emotional energy.
Because there’s a big difference between saying, “I’m going to do everything I can to prevent something terrible from happening,” and saying, “I’m going to do everything I can to support the outcome I desire.”
The circumstances might be exactly the same. But the experience of living through them can be radically different.
I’ve decided I’m going back to what worked for me during one of the toughest chapters of my life.
I’m going to spend more time imagining what I want, expecting to be supported, taking care of myself and noticing every little miracle along the way.
And I’m going to give myself permission to enjoy the beautiful life that’s happening right in front of me, instead of worrying so much about what might happen next.