I recently called a company to inquire about their services. The person on the phone told me I had to make an appointment to find out more, so I did. 

The salesperson came to my office and proceeded to give me his presentation. It took double the amount of time his assistant told me it would take when I was on the phone.

The bummer was that it could’ve been done in less than one-third the time if he would’ve listened to my needs and requests to get to the point. In the last five minutes of the pitch, he gave me the information that was a deal breaker… and I didn’t buy.

I let him know what my experience was a couple days after his visit. I felt like I had been given a scripted sales pitch instead of him being authentic and truly listening to my needs. 

He had danced around the bottom line points, even when I kept requesting he get to the point. While he clearly was an expert in his niche, he won’t even get a referral from me because he’s not focused on the potential client’s needs.

I hate it when someone is so locked onto their agenda that they can’t hear you over all the noise in their own head.

I’m sure you’ve experienced this before from a salesperson, coworker, spouse, and especially kids. 

When someone has a strong agenda about what they want from you, they may fail miserably at being grounded and directed in their communication. 

It’s perfectly okay to want something from someone, but the way you interact with them will be what gets you what you want or not. 

This isn’t about being masterful about a pitch or presentation. It’s simply about being clear about the desired outcome, checking in with the other person’s needs, and seeing how the solution can work for everybody. 

It’s okay if the answer is no, because then each person is free to find the solution that’ll work for them.

Really knowing how to listen to another person is an underrated skill. In order to know what someone is truly thinking, you may have to ask some very specific questions. 

Often, the question you don’t want to ask because it feels too forward is the one that’s most needed. For many people, asking for exactly what they want, in a straightforward manner, is completely foreign. 

I have a friend who only calls when she wants something. She always disguises the call as something other than what it is. It makes my skin crawl. People can tell when you don’t care or have a hidden agenda.

I call direct communication, clean communication. There’s no garbage to filter through in order to understand where the conversation is going.

Here are some things to practice for clean communication:

• Get very clear what your desired result is before the conversation. 
• Let the other party know your intended purpose and end result when you begin speaking.
• Don’t be so attached to getting what you want that you forget that you’re actually talking to another human being.
• Ask the other party what they want and respond to exactly what you heard.
• You don’t need to butter someone up before you make a request. You don’t need a big buildup to set the stage.
• Be okay with receiving a no to your request. It’s not personal.
• If you do have a reaction to their no, you can let them know how you feel and be responsible about that communication. Making someone feel bad is not going to do anybody any good.
• Brainstorm other possible solutions.
• Be yourself. You don’t need to persuade or push someone in order to get your desired end result.

If you practice clean communication, you’ll be more at ease in sticky or important conversations. You’ll also be coming from a more open, grounded, and empowering place versus fearful or needy… and the other person will feel that. 

Journal prompts: What haven’t you said that needs to be said? To whom? 

How would it feel to speak your truth in a grounded and direct way?

Learning to always say what needs to be said is a powerful thing. It’s a sure sign of a leader. It feels so good not to be hiding or withholding what you want and how you feel. 

Authenticity simplifies life… for everyone.