I had an epiphany while on my way to a massage with my husband. We were running late, and I could feel the tension rise immediately. To make things even more interesting, he was on the phone with one of his employees, and as a coach, I found myself silently critiquing his communication style. Let’s just say, subtlety was not my strength in that moment!
When he finally hung up, he turned to me and asked for feedback. I hesitated, knowing the mood was already tense, but he insisted. So, I dove in, offering a few insights on how he could be more effective with his team. He listened patiently, but the minute I finished, it was clear he wasn’t happy.
I knew right away I’d missed the mark. Yes, my feedback was technically “correct,” but it was all about what he could do better.
What he really needed in that moment was support on what he was already doing well. It was a powerful reminder: sometimes we just need to hear that we’re on the right track, that our efforts are appreciated, and that our strengths are visible.
Why Positive Feedback Matters
As a culture, we’re bombarded with messages about what needs fixing. From ads pushing products to enhance our appearance, to shows that “help” improve our lives, to managers asking for more efficiency, it’s a constant stream of “not enough.” And yes, while identifying areas for improvement is important, constantly focusing on the negatives is draining.
I believe in defining what isn’t working so we can envision what we want instead. However, when we fixate on problems, we often feel overwhelmed and disheartened. My husband’s reaction reminded me that everyone, even the strongest leaders, sometimes need validation on what they’re already doing right.
Focus on Strengths to Build Success
The power of positive reinforcement isn’t just for kids or pets. Adults crave acknowledgment too, because focusing on our strengths helps us thrive. According to the Law of Attraction, where we place our attention grows. When I focus on my husband’s leadership strengths, he responds by being an even more effective and confident leader. Others may focus on his weaknesses, and that’s what they experience.
The lesson here? When things feel tough, zero in on what’s going well.
This approach isn’t about ignoring challenges but about acknowledging your progress and building on it. Whether it’s your relationships, your career, or even just your day-to-day mindset, give energy to what’s working, and you’ll see more of it show up in your life.
The Bottom Line: Choose Your Focus Wisely
When you’re in a rough patch, it may feel counterintuitive to shift your focus to what’s going right. But this shift often turns out to be the path of least resistance—and the most effective way to manifest the positive outcomes you desire. So next time things get bad, go to good. Look for the bright spots, celebrate your strengths, and let the rest follow.