Most people think the issue with attaining their goals is discipline.
It’s not ever about discipline. The right goals energize you, keep you focused, and cause you to lean in.
The real issue is starting with goals that don’t have the right energy baked into them.
You can have the “right” goal, a very impressive goal, or a goal that looks good on paper… and still feel resistant, unmotivated by it, or maybe even afraid of it!
That’s just a misalignment, not a reflection of your shortcomings.
I learned this lesson the long (and very cold) way. 🥶
Years ago, a group of us packed three trucks to the brim with camping gear and headed to a remote lake near Lake Tahoe in California. The plan was a rustic adventure. My mate had been dreaming about this trip for over a year.
I, on the other hand, liked comfort.
We’d scoped out the main campground weeks earlier and discovered picnic tables, barbecues, running water, and real bathrooms. (Yay, I could handle that!)
We arrived late at night, driving up a windy mountain road, when something strange appeared on the windshield.
It looked like bugs. Gazillions of them!
But they weren’t sticking.
It wasn’t bugs. It was freaking snowing!
I’d packed shorts, bathing suits, margarita makings, kayaks… not snow gear. That night was miserable.
Eventually, we all admitted the truth: sticking to the plan felt awful. So, we pivoted.
We drove over an hour to the nearest town, hit Starbucks, watched a movie, ate pizza, and one family even got a hotel room. A hot shower never felt so rebellious. Screw adventure… I wanted comfort!
It was the right move. The joy returned the moment we stopped honoring commitment over what felt good in the moment.
The next day, the sun came out. We hiked, kayaked, and enjoyed the trip.
How many times have you stuck to a goal for the sake of commitment instead of leaning into what your heart wants?
I’ve seen this pattern everywhere in life and business.
I once realized I was constantly eyeing my partner’s steak at dinner. I’d been a vegetarian for years, but the desire that fueled that choice was gone. I was sticking to the vegetarian label even though it no longer felt good.
It was no longer energizing me. So, I changed.
Same thing with cleanses and fasts. Following strict rules while resenting them didn’t make me more “pure.” It made me stressed! Buying high-quality bottled juices instead of juicing everything myself didn’t ruin the cleanse… it made it easy to stick to it.
Even my Italian grandmother taught me this lesson the hard way.
I spent hours making homemade dough for a traditional dish, only to find out she’d switched to pre-made wonton wrappers years ago. Same taste… way less effort.
The pattern was obvious once I saw it:
When the energy is gone, your goal needs to change.
This showed up in my business in a big way.
For years, I put the same goal on my list: A million-dollar program launch.
Until one day, my coach asked me: “Why do you want that?”
“Ummmm. Because I think I should because my peers are doing it.”
It was a V-8 moment. There was never any fire behind that goal. I’d tricked myself into believing I should stretch into that goal, but there was no emotional pull. No personal meaning.
Then, each year I didn’t hit the goal, I’d beat myself up, thinking I did something wrong. What a crappy cycle!
Goals only move you forward when they’re born from excitement.
Once I stopped chasing goals I thought I should want and started locking onto what mattered to me, everything shifted. I no longer felt pressure… only excitement.
If your goals feel like pressure, here’s how to recalibrate:
- Separate desire from expectation. Do I want this… or do I think I should want this?
- Notice where you’re honoring commitment over what’s true in your heart right now. If you’d be relieved to let a goal go, then you need to honor that.
- Allow yourself to do things the easy way. Shortcuts are smart!
- Choose goals that pull you forward emotionally. The right goal should feel exciting, not fill you with dread.
- Let inspiration lead you to the strategy. Also let it lead you to the right timing for taking action. Just because you make a goal doesn’t mean you need to jump on it right THIS moment.
The most powerful goals are the ones you want badly enough to enjoy the journey.
So if a goal feels like a burden… pause before assuming you’re the problem.
You’re probably just chasing something that doesn’t belong to you anymore.
Goals are allowed to evolve. You’re allowed to change your mind. And you don’t need a dramatic reason to let something go. “This doesn’t feel good anymore” is enough.