Bring to mind the situation that feels stagnate or stressful. Identify what exactly isn’t working. Make sure to look at all aspects. What part are you responsible for generating? What piece are other people creating? What outside forces are messing with your mojo and flow?
Once you’ve pinpointed the sticking points, now pinpoint how you’d like to see this area of your life. Remember to pretend you have a magic wand and can experience any end result you desire.
For instance, Sammy is not getting along with his wife. They seem to argue over the same topics every day. He finds himself not wanting to go home. He doesn’t know how to correct the problem and feels like he just has to live in this misery.
I took him through the two steps above, and he discovered that his wife is not truly the cause of his misery. He actually didn’t like the way he responded to his wife’s complaints about money and her co-workers.
Ideally, Sammy wants to create intimacy with his wife, and he would love for her to find a new job or career that is fulfilling. He would also love to support her in a way that feels easy and that she appreciates.
Once you have created clarity about what is not working and how you’d like it to be, you can make a decision. Decide how you want to feel moving forward. Is there an action you need to take to create some relief?
In Sammy’s case, he decided to stop coaching his wife about looking for a new job. She was resistant to his “expert advice”, and he felt frustrated every time he tried. He was also going to focus on creating intimacy in their relationship even when his wife is in one of her “moods”.
While Sammy’s decisions felt good in the moment he stated them, they’ll be of no use if he doesn’t take action. He must practice this new way of being, even if he fails or doesn’t get results the first few times he tries.
One of the decisions Sammy made was to trust his wife’s own ability to find her perfect path to a joyful career. This decision will help soothe him when things don’t immediately feel like paradise.
Many of you will experience some resistance around taking action. You may have made some hard decisions. Give yourself some time to settle into your decision.
I recently asked my mother to postpone a house warming party that she and my brother were giving me. The invitations had been sent and almost everyone had RSVP’d that they were attending. My uncle had even bought a non-refundable plane ticket to attend.
The decision was a hard one for me to make. I toyed with it for weeks. My house is in the middle of major remodel and the stress of trying to get it done before the party was weighing heavily. Once I asked my mother to postpone the party, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
What decision will you make? What is the action to support it? When will you do it?
Keep your eye on the desired outcome, and this process will be fast and easy.